The IT Worker dem.

Well, Easter is now over, finished/terminado/fertig/kumaliza/完成した/päättynyt/finito/מוגמר (English, Spanish, German, Swahili, Japanese, Finnish, Italian and Hebrew respectively), so as a little treat to those of you who read this blog, today I’ll be talking about the IT Worker Jeans & Sheux Epidemic that’s been affecting large parts of the British Isles during the last twenty or so years. I’m going in DEEP with this post, so put the kettle on, switch off Homes under the Hammer, unplug your phone and pay attention.

First off, and I will make this point only once, IT workers are a group of individuals you need to be wary of. They are notorious within the underground Jeans and Sheuxsss Network (JSN) for wearing the most appalling combos, both in and outside of the workplace. They’ve been operating in this scene from its infancy back in the late 80s right up until last week (see above photos), and I suspect we’ll see the trend continue for many years to come.

IT workers are unconventional people. They come in all shapes and sizes like you and I do, but due to the nature of their work, and ‘The Oath of J&S’ they are made to swear after 3 years after becoming an IT professional, their business affairs are conducted in different attire to what a city or blue collar worker might wear. That’s correct, they do not feel pressured into wearing expensive Nike trainers or garish looking t-shirts endorsed by banana headed models in need of several thousand calories.

Now then, we all enjoy a good looking pair of jeans and sheuxsss, and some of us think we know what constitutes this pairing - I obviously do because this is my award-winning website and last month I received offers from several influential Silicon Valley investors to buy not only the site’s domain name but also the rights to any future J&S material; I cannot tell you exactly how much the highest offer was but will confirm it was more than the $3bn offered to Snapchat by Facebook - but let me reiterate again for you: IT workers are RUNNING TINGS in the jeans and sheuxsss department. You will never reach their level of competence so give up now and turn back, it’s really not too late.

The epidemic itself was caused by information technology becoming commonplace in shops, offices, supermarkets and department stores up and down the country. IT workers were employed to install and maintain this technology, attending various training courses to help aid them with the many fax machines and printers they would later go on to fix in the years ahead. Men by the names of Carl, Graham, Paul, Gary and Chris were especially keen to involve themselves. What happened next is quite harrowing. A syndrome known as Vending Machine Coffee-induced Jeans, Sheuxsss and Laptop Mentality (or VMCJSLM for short) broke out. I asked The Lancet for material relating to this syndrome but they declined to comment.

So there you have it. Not a particularly coherent or well researched article, but I suppose that’s what you’ve all come to expect of Jeans and Sheuxsss. Yes you come here for the commentary but ultimately it’s about the combos. Always the goddamn combos. FFS.

Bank Holiday Monday Spesh.

Terrific little prototype archetypal v3.5 combo here. It got forwarded to me through several encrypted channels in order to preserve the anonymity of my source, and is the first ‘slim line’ photograph featured on this site.

From what I can gather about the photo itself, it was taken between the hours of 01:26 and 03:41 in the morning (BST) in a convenience store inside the M25. I appreciate you’re probably thinking “where the fuck do you mean exactly!” but you know I can’t divulge that. I have to protect my sources and be as vague as humanly possible when dealing with anything archetypal-related. One day you will understand.

Keep it gurxy kids.

Bank Holiday Monday Spesh.

Terrific little prototype archetypal v3.5 combo here. It got forwarded to me through several encrypted channels in order to preserve the anonymity of my source, and is the first ‘slim line’ photograph featured on this site.

From what I can gather about the photo itself, it was taken between the hours of 01:26 and 03:41 in the morning (BST) in a convenience store inside the M25. I appreciate you’re probably thinking “where the fuck do you mean exactly!” but you know I can’t divulge that. I have to protect my sources and be as vague as humanly possible when dealing with anything archetypal-related. One day you will understand.

Keep it gurxy kids.

Archetypal in-the-making.

As you can see from the top photograph, when you pair some 34x34 loose fit jeans, light red socks and tan sheuxsss, the end result can be quite intimidating. Jeans and sheuxsss wearers do this all the time; they get all dressed up without giving a solitary toss about any other trouser + footwear combos they might encounter throughout the day. They simply do not think.

Look at how scared those shiny toe flat shoes look. The right hand one has turned itself inwards to protect the weaker, younger sibling from the aggressive jeans and sheuxsss combo sat diagonally opposite. I bet they were absolutely petrified. Outrageous J&S posturing.

Jeans and Sheuxsss turning the heat up once again on this rather pleasant Thursday afternoon. 

You do not see combos like this very often. In fact, I’ve only ever seen one or two as the type of person normally wearing Bench jeans would never even consider wearing smart sheuxsss alongside them.

Maybe he ran out of clean clobber and it was a last minute thing? We’ll never know….

Jeans and Sheuxsss turning the heat up once again on this rather pleasant Thursday afternoon.

You do not see combos like this very often. In fact, I’ve only ever seen one or two as the type of person normally wearing Bench jeans would never even consider wearing smart sheuxsss alongside them.

Maybe he ran out of clean clobber and it was a last minute thing? We’ll never know….

Dog Crew.

Jeans and Sheuxsss is serving up a real treat for you today, and comes courtesy of one of my regular contributors; he helped me spawn the J&S movement two years ago and currently owns a 29% shareholder stake in some gas and oil reserves we purchased when our sister corporation, Sheuxsss and Jeansy, was sold to a well-known American multinational last month. On top of that, the AP offered him their esteemed Employment for Life contract but he declined the offer because he felt there was more value in cataloguing jeans and sheuxsss. I take my hat off to him and I hope you will too.

Now then, we’ve never featured a dog on Jeans and Sheuxsss, and from what the photographs suggest it’s a headless dog, but I have been told that’s not the case. I expect what happened here is that the dog had received intelligence about this website, didn’t want to be photographed, and therefore stood behind his owner’s leg. Who knows, and quite frankly who bloody cares. A major jeans and sheuxsss violation was taking place inside a public space and that is all we need to concern ourselves with.

Let’s dissect the combo and look at how it’s been configured (much like how a web server is configured only completely different because it has absolutely nothing in common with computing). The jeans are magnificent: comfortable, practical and worn in around the edges. They’ve been offset by a killer pair of black penny loafers and look nothing short of resplendent when coupled with the long towering tunnels of denim seated above them. It’s a combo that says to me, “this morning I was involved in some DIY and this afternoon I’ll be staring at the tiles below a urinal.”

Crime Scene Sheux.

I know, it’s tragic. Let’s all take a moment to think about the poor pair of jeans that was left behind when the assailant ran away from the law enforcement officers and was forced to abandon his right sheux.

Saddened is what I am. Truly saddened.

Crime Scene Sheux.

I know, it’s tragic. Let’s all take a moment to think about the poor pair of jeans that was left behind when the assailant ran away from the law enforcement officers and was forced to abandon his right sheux.

Saddened is what I am. Truly saddened.

** Faded Stonewash + Black Leather Sheux TEST PRESS **

This combo requires little in the way of an introduction as we all know the type of jeans and sheux wearer being exhibited here. They’re known for three things:

1) Liking guitar-based music
2) Shopping in Millets (for supplementary clothing items)
3) Blending into crowds easily

They’re also known for turning up in all sorts of random locations wearing jeans and sheuxsss and then getting caught for it. As Neil McCauley in Heat said: “I will not hesitate. Not for a second [to photograph your combo and put it on my website].”

Over & out.

A rare specimen indeed.

Cream frayed jean and tan coloured slip on sheux combo.

'Nuff said.

JIANSU Crew in full effect.

Today I’m posting up some absolutely tearing J&S action from Vietnam, SE Asia.

This combo was photographed in what looks to be an airport lounge. I’ve deduced this, with the help of the Jeans & Sheuxsss Laboratory, by comparing patterned carpet samples from several million properties throughout the region. Our findings confirmed the people using this particular lounge later ended up in no fewer than 239 unique destinations, and so therefore the probability of the lab results being correct is very high. I can’t tell you (for security reasons) exactly how high, but trust me, it’s high.

Regarding the jeans and sheuxsss themselves, well, I haven’t ever posted this particular combo before. It’s not really something you see in the western hemisphere as the composite parts aren’t sold in our shops. Look at the jeans! Read what the embroidery on the back pocket says: “JIANSU”. What does it mean? I’ve been wondering that myself and am also curious about the font being used as it’s unfamiliar to my eye. And the sheuxsss, aren’t they magnificent. Classic post-cowboy era Velcro stock with absolutely no redeemable features whatsoever, expect for being comfortable. I’d wager they’re extremely comfortable when worn in tandem with JIANSU jeans.

She drives me crazy,
Uh uh,
Like no-one else,
Uh uh,
She drives me crazy,
And I can’t help myself,
Uh uh.

I’m afraid you’re kidding yourself if you think I’m giving away 50p to the first person who can tell me where those lyrics are from. We all know they were written by the masterful Roland Gift and featured on his band’s brilliant second album The Raw and the Cooked. I chose these lyrics as an introduction to this afternoon’s post for no reason other than my hope in conveying to the world how I feel about jeans and sheuxsss. In fact, I feel so strongly about them I have changed Roland’s lyrics around a bit and present you with my own version:

They drives me crazy,
Uh uh,
The jeans and sheux,
Uh uh,
They drives me crazy,
And I can’t help myself,
Uh uh.

To say I’m happy with the result would be an understatement.

Something I’m also very happy about is a new dubplate I received over the weekend. This dubplate is currently doing serious damage in all the pubs and student unions across West Yorkshire. It’s a stonewashed loose-fit jean with square toe sheux combo and is an absolute riddim! You just know the selector wearing this combo is seriously owning all other J&S wearers throughout the county. I would love to find out where this gangster gets his clobber from.