The IT Worker dem.
Well, Easter is now over, finished/terminado/fertig/kumaliza/完成した/päättynyt/finito/מוגמר (English, Spanish, German, Swahili, Japanese, Finnish, Italian and Hebrew respectively), so as a little treat to those of you who read this blog, today I’ll be talking about the IT Worker Jeans & Sheux Epidemic that’s been affecting large parts of the British Isles during the last twenty or so years. I’m going in DEEP with this post, so put the kettle on, switch off Homes under the Hammer, unplug your phone and pay attention.
First off, and I will make this point only once, IT workers are a group of individuals you need to be wary of. They are notorious within the underground Jeans and Sheuxsss Network (JSN) for wearing the most appalling combos, both in and outside of the workplace. They’ve been operating in this scene from its infancy back in the late 80s right up until last week (see above photos), and I suspect we’ll see the trend continue for many years to come.
IT workers are unconventional people. They come in all shapes and sizes like you and I do, but due to the nature of their work, and ‘The Oath of J&S’ they are made to swear after 3 years after becoming an IT professional, their business affairs are conducted in different attire to what a city or blue collar worker might wear. That’s correct, they do not feel pressured into wearing expensive Nike trainers or garish looking t-shirts endorsed by banana headed models in need of several thousand calories.
Now then, we all enjoy a good looking pair of jeans and sheuxsss, and some of us think we know what constitutes this pairing - I obviously do because this is my award-winning website and last month I received offers from several influential Silicon Valley investors to buy not only the site’s domain name but also the rights to any future J&S material; I cannot tell you exactly how much the highest offer was but will confirm it was more than the $3bn offered to Snapchat by Facebook - but let me reiterate again for you: IT workers are RUNNING TINGS in the jeans and sheuxsss department. You will never reach their level of competence so give up now and turn back, it’s really not too late.
The epidemic itself was caused by information technology becoming commonplace in shops, offices, supermarkets and department stores up and down the country. IT workers were employed to install and maintain this technology, attending various training courses to help aid them with the many fax machines and printers they would later go on to fix in the years ahead. Men by the names of Carl, Graham, Paul, Gary and Chris were especially keen to involve themselves. What happened next is quite harrowing. A syndrome known as Vending Machine Coffee-induced Jeans, Sheuxsss and Laptop Mentality (or VMCJSLM for short) broke out. I asked The Lancet for material relating to this syndrome but they declined to comment.
So there you have it. Not a particularly coherent or well researched article, but I suppose that’s what you’ve all come to expect of Jeans and Sheuxsss. Yes you come here for the commentary but ultimately it’s about the combos. Always the goddamn combos. FFS.